Another One Rides the Bus

[imaginaryfriend]

Jan 26, 2009 7:50:01 GMT Tom Siddell said:

Jan 25, 2009 23:46:20 GMT Mezzaphor said:

With how much time you spend on the bus, do you ever see anything interesting or funny, or is it invariably boring and tedious?

I've seen a guy walk over to the front row of the top deck and piss all over the floor. I've seen a clearly mentally unfit guy masturbating in the street in a crowd of commuters at a bus stop. I've seen a guy elbow a woman repeatedly in the face for trying to sit next to him during a particularly busy commute. I've had a couple girls ask me if I was gay because I looked at them before I sat down.

I get up at 6 every day specifically to catch busses with slightly less people on them, and I still pray that I won't see anything interesting.

I hate the mass transit system in my city so much that I would rather lose my home than my car. I would rather walk anywhere than ride the bus, by daylight in good weather it is safer and often faster.

Even so, I do have one funny bus story... About six years ago a baby pothole was born in a right-turn lane of a major intersection near where I live. The city administration had better things to do than fill potholes so over three winters it grew to about four feet in length, mostly lying along the curb, and was more than a foot and a half deep in some points. It started a hubcap and wheel cover collection. Locals learned to avoid it at all costs.

One fine afternoon I was driving home and I saw a bus in front of me try to make the turn. Its lead wheel on the inside of the turn went into the pothole and it nearly rolled over. Bystanders on the curb ran for their lives. Everyone in the bus on the left side wound up on the floor on top of each other. Everyone on the right side of the bus likely had an exciting view of the concrete sidewalk heading at their windows until the bus managed to somewhat right itself.

The amusing part of this tale is how several pedestrians opened the emergency door and boarded the bus immediately after it stopped moving, forcing back some passengers who were desperately trying to get out. Fists, elbows, and knees were flying. I expect the phones of the local law community began ringing even before the last pedestrian in shut the door behind him.

[nikita]

Here in Leipzig, public transport is generally nice and clean.
The weirdest thing I've seen yet (and let's keep it that way) was a well-fed and pipe-smoking beggar who asked me for 2 Euro for "food". The first time he asked was in the tram. The second time, some months later, he asked me again as I waited at the stop. Later that same day on my way home he didn't remember me and asked for money again.
A friend of mine has also met him several times and it seems that he has at least two birthdays.

And I overheard a discussion once where a pensioner complained about what he called "nigger music" a teenager played loudly on his cell-phone.

[zingbat]

This is unrelated to Gunnerkrigg Court, but I enjoy sharing this story:

The buses in my hometown have signs over the first couple rows of seats that say "Please reserve these seats for the elderly and handicapped."
One day, I rode a bus where someone had peeled some of the letters off, causing the sign to read "Please eat the elderly and handicapped."

[Babble-jargon Bill]

Hoo boy, public transit horror stories. Let the wacky tales of woe and bewilderment commence!

I have to take 3 different types of transit to get to school. I take the streetcar from the station near my home to the subway, which I then take to the bus terminal which takes me to the school itself. Generally the cars are packed during rush hour, but the worst is the bus, which is bursting at the seams with shrill, noisy, and insufferable kids that have no idea that some people like to just travel in peace.

Anyway, one time on the subway I see this morbidly obese woman step from the connecting car to ours, wearing nothing but a bath-rob with flowers on it and fuzzy pink slippers. She went from person to person asking for money, claiming that she had not eaten in days. She smelled awful. When I told my Dad about it, he told me that it's impossible to starve in this city due to the large amount of homeless shelters spread throughout downtown. He works as a social worker at the department of public health, so he would know.

Another time I was taking the bus home and an argument broke out between this guy, maybe 16 years old, and this old man. Aperantly the kid had been talking too loud about something or other that was offensive, and the old guy spoke up, calling him an ass-hole and that he would never amount to anything. Bad idea, you never start an argument with a moron, and ironically the fight made more noise than the boy had been making in the first place.

But I think the worst ever time I had on public transit had to be the time that these three people, about 20 or so, were standing right next to my seat and talking about the menstrual cycle really loudly. On a Friday afternoon, that's about the last thing I want to think about.

[Vratislav]

Public transport is FUN!

Generally, Prague public transport is hugely used, quite reliable, safe and clean - unless you travel in night. I use metro and trams to return home from clubs - what almost ensures some experience.
I have met random people and chatted with them for 40 minutes of night tram route, seen totally stiff people in clear daylight, experienced vomiting in 6-o'clock bus, seen 6-years old children begging, been robbed while waiting in empty train to start and seen almost anything you can imagine except self-murderer jumping under just arrving metro.
Nevertheless I have never slept my station over that I consider to be my biggest public transpost success.

Well and I add one urban tale from Prague metro: In trains, there is possible to hang by your legs on handles - if you dare . You may get a Bronze Bat award, if you endure it for one station. For Silver Bat prize, you have to hang this way whole line (about 20 stations). You may become a Golden Bat if you convince the ticket inspector to do it.
My brother is honoured with Bronze Bat.

[fjodor]

Hah! Good thread!

Two stories from the days when I used the bus to get me to college and later to work then.

In college, there was this really nice girl that rode the same morning bus as I did. When I got on the bus, it was usually crowded, and I had to stand in the middle section. The girl got on one station before me, so we usually stood really close to each other. We started flirting a bit, and after a while we chatted about stupid things and I was basically gathering courage to ask her out one time. Because I considered her to be way out of my league, I took a lot of gathering time (think weeks).

One evening, me and some college friends had a curry-fest. The point is to cook a curry that is so devilishly hot that it takes gallons of beer to put out the fire. Granted, we didn't need excuses to get to the beer part, but it became a tradition.

(how does this relate to the girl on the bus? Good question!)

Well, after this fest a friend of mine crashed in my place and the next day we took the bus to college. More than slightly hung-over, and with protesting bowels. I got on the bus first and walked towards the spot where the very nice girl was standing. In was directly followed by my friend Mike. I greeted the girl, exactly at the moment when Mike farted VERY loudly, producing a stench like the gates of hell opened, after which he immediately shouted "Jesus, Fjodders! You can't do that on a bus!" I really didn't know how to respond. I never spoke to that very nice girl again...

Later I took a different bus to get to Gouda (yep, like the cheese). In the back of the bus there was always this mentally handicapped boy. Halfway, two other handicapped boys would get on the bus, and by that time they would have to stand in the front. They all attended the same special school so they knew each other. At one point, one of the guys in the front shouted loudly through the bus "Oy, Will, you like Sarah, don't you?!"
Will answered fiercely: "I DO NOOOOOOT. SHUT UP BARRYYYYY!!!!" (to get a better picture, imagine these boys had the voices of Waldorf and Stedler from the Muppet show).
Barry would continue "YES YOU DOOOOO. I SAW YOU KISSINGGGGGG!" And of course Will would answer, even more loudly: "SHUUUUT UUUUUP YOU LIARRRR!!!!"

It would go on for at least ten minutes. It was like watching our own private cabaret. This little show would repeat itself for two weeks. It ended very suddenly, and I guess the fact that Barry entered the bus with a black eye had something to do with it.

[penguinfactory]

I briefly attended a college in the decaying urban nightmare that is inner-city Dublin, (Imagine a run-down area of New York but where the buildings are made of stale alcohol and despair).

The bus seemed to visit every deprived area of the city, and at one point these four less-than-salubrious youths would get on for 30 seconds and have shouted conversations from halfway across the aisle. One of them went something like this (to get an idea of the accents, imagine that video of the Coyote's howling transmuted into human speech):

Skinhead: "Oi Darro, were you readin' in the news about tha' couple wha' got robbed?"
Heroin addict: "WHA?"
Skinhead: "IT WAS IN THE PAPERS!"
Heroin addict: "WHA??"
Skinhead: "YEAH, THIS FELLA AND 'IS GIRLFRIEND GOT THEIR LEGS BLOWN OFF BY SOME FELLA WI' A SHOTGUN!"

A lovely way to start the day.

(Why yes, I do have a bit of a chip on my shoulder regarding that part of the city).

A more general annoyance is teenage girls playing techno music really loudly on their mobile phones.

[Babble-jargon Bill]

Okay, this one takes the cake. Today on the bus a blind man with a seeing-eye dog came on, and the dog blocked the two steps on the back of the bus (the ones here have the back third of the bus elevated) he didn't seem to be able to hear either, so when everyone needed to get off at the school stop, we all had to step over the dog, either that or walk on the seats to get out of there. It was quite odd. Much as it was annoying, I felt sorry for the guy because he didn't know that he was being a bother. The crowd that got off where bad-mouthing him all the way to the building.

[picaro]

There are some early busses I have taken on Saturday mornings that are skanky. The worst was when I got on one said bus and the busdriver warned me to take my feet off the floor when he braked.

Why?

Someone had puked. Everytime the bus braked it dribbled forwards. I felt sorry for the driver, I really hope he was able to clean the bus after my journey.

[cenit]

In my country public transportation is awfull, but I don't have much choice.

So... stories... the bus I had to take to college had a very longo route, and I got on almost in the last stop.... there was once when I rode literally standing in the bus door with half of my body outside the bus

Also, it's been very common for people to come inside the buses and sing to ask for money... most memorable were a group of three kids singing rap music, and also the ones that play guitar or other instruments.

[versasovantare]

You know, when I read Tom's comments on his bus journeys, the first thing that came into my mind was that speech from near the end of Blade Runner.

[Tierra Y Libertad]

Eh, public transport's alright. Yes, you're cramped in with two complete strangers or standing like in the metro with chickens hanging feet up tied to the luggage rack, but you get where you need to go and it's dirt cheap. Dirt cheap to be part of a great mobile human sardine can.

[Dominic]

Most of the time public transport is fairly excellent here in the Netherlands. There's only the bus stop near my house where the bus seems to be unable to make it on time - in the past year and a half I've taken the bus from there five times. Twice the :37 bus just didn't show up, once it was 15 minutes late <.< Usually it's fine, though. Train tends to be a little short at one time in the morning.