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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2014 20:17:59 GMT
The most recent version is always the one in the Dropbox. I make revisions every time that hnau posts feedback, as well as on my own initiative, and go over the translated documents several times after I put them online.
(I would also make revisions if anyone else posted such feedback, but that hasn't really happened too much yet, sadly.)
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Post by Señor Goose on Feb 20, 2014 6:26:13 GMT
The most recent version is always the one in the Dropbox. I make revisions every time that hnau posts feedback, as well as on my own initiative, and go over the translated documents several times after I put them online. (I would also make revisions if anyone else posted such feedback, but that hasn't really happened too much yet, sadly.) O |
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Post by Señor Goose on Feb 20, 2014 7:02:41 GMT
I'm comparing the scripts, and they look the same. Which part did I screw up?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2014 11:53:28 GMT
Antimony's last line on page two is different.
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Post by hnau on Feb 21, 2014 7:31:42 GMT
Spacemonauts! Chapter Ten awaits your feedback! It need not even be haptic feedback! Somehow the bonus page has VANISHED MYSTERIOUSLY (probably abducted by the Enigmarons), but once more, it shall be delivered soonish enough. ---- I would like to preserve a biblical reference, but not even Luther in his 1545 translation has strong words. Nowadays, "O Gott" / "Oh Gott" / "Oh mein Gott!" or somtimes just "Gott!" is not necessarily the invocation of a deity but more of an exclamation. As I understand "Strike me down", it would be an act of mercy, with death preferable to the shame of being caught playing with dolls. "Im Erdboden versinken" carries that subtext even more than just "sterben". Slightly modernized, Renard could say: "(Oh (mein)) Gott! Ich will im Erdboden versinken!". Renard now says »Oh, die Sintflut über mich!« (lit. »oh, the deluge over me!«) so as to convey a death wish and refer to the Bible, and also to being struck down by overwhelming force from above. What do you think? I like it very much. (Although I suspect that the Noachian deluge might have been on a slightly more global scale.) |
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Post by hnau on Feb 21, 2014 8:51:03 GMT
[152] Annie! Du hast es hierher zurück geschafft! - longish; "Du bist wieder da!"? Dank meiner Freundin, Kat, hier - not sure about the commas Das war ein sehr geistreiches Geschenk. - "das war sehr aufmerksam von dir"? [153] Eine knappe Exposition später - "Übersicht"? (See Wiktionary.) [154] sah ich Gestalten die Korridore durchstreifen, die dem Krankenhauspersonal verborgen blieben - "... durchstreifen, verborgen vor dem Personal des Krankenhauses" [155] Und die längste Zeit verstand ich nicht - is mostly used to say that something is about to end now or in the near future; "Ganz lange ...", "Lange Zeit ...", "Die ganze Zeit"? [156] Geleiter - I agree that it is better than "Führer". Geleiter is also part of the German translation of "psychopomp", i.e. "Seelengeleiter". (To use "Führer" today, you should use (or strongly imply) a qualifier, e.g. "Fremden-", "Berg-", spiritueller", etc. Otherwise it might be misconstrued as a reference to Adolf Hitler. Something akin to a collective trauma, or a taboo...) [158] Ich sagte ihnen, dass ich einen Weg finden nach unten finden und dich aufspüren würde - strike one "finden" (to be continued) |
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Post by hnau on Feb 21, 2014 9:54:36 GMT
[161]
Behalte nur im Kopf - or "Aber dank daran", "Behalte im Hinterkopf"
dass ich auf ihn ein wachsames Auge werfen werde - usually, "werfen" isn't continuous. "Aber denk daran: ich werde ihn im Auge behalten."
[164]
Ich bin mir sicher, etwas vergessen zu haben. - "Ich bin mir sicher, irgend(et)was habe ich vergessen."
[169]
in dem Raum war außer dem Himmel alles echt - slightly better: "in dem Raum war alles echt, außer dem Himmel"
[175]
und in deren sinistren Unterschlupf verschleppt - "und in ihren" (erzschurkischen - just kidding!)
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2014 11:22:42 GMT
Annie! Du hast es hierher zurück geschafft! - longish; "Du bist wieder da!"? I'll follow the original phrasing here. Technically, the commas are okay since they enclose an apposition. The sentence would work without them, in which case »meiner Freundin« becomes an attributive noun phrase and »Kat« the immediate object of the preposition. — Apart from that, they might look a bit awry in German, yes. I'll have to go over that one again. It's a callback to the previous chapter, so if this one doesn't fit, I'll go with »...wohlüberlegtes Geschenk.« Or perhaps I'll change both lines to include »aufmerksames Geschenk«. Hmm. Since »Exposition« is a literary term and Tom is likely alluding to that, I'll stick with it. In fact, my first thought was »Überblick«. Yes, that's better. »Und sehr lange Zeit verstand ich nicht...« »psycho-pomp« actually translates to »soul-sender« (the Greek verb »pémpō« means »to send«). »Sender«, however, sounds like »transmitter« (the device) in German. Then again, that does fit their job as well. Of course. Good call. The revised line reads as follows: »Aber denk daran, dass ich ihn wachsam im Auge behalten werde.« — »Genau wie dich.« »Irgendetwas habe ich sicherlich vergessen.« That would translate back as »everything in that room was real, except (for) the sky« and that's not quite what Kat's saying here. Clearly, as a German student of Law on the Internet, I must have completed some manner of magical trifecta of pedantry. The influence of Swedish, perhaps. I've changed it. Erzschur-Kirschen. Thank you once again. |
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Post by hnau on Feb 21, 2014 12:31:54 GMT
»Irgendetwas habe ich sicherlich vergessen.« That doesn't convey that nagging feeling that you are missing something important. It's more like when you go on holiday, there is always something you forgot to pack. It's normal, you'll just buy it at your destination. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2014 13:32:36 GMT
A few revisions to Chapters Nine and Ten have been made, most of them discussed above.
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Post by rhetor on Feb 28, 2014 18:27:23 GMT
Hi korba, I like your project and your thorough approach to it. As a native speaker of German I would like to contribute to Chapter 11: (Though I am not quite sure if my active English is up to it, especially if it comes to grammatical tech-terms) It has to be: "Und dann überfahr(e) ich ihn" (The "e" in brackets is necessary in written but usually omitted in spoken German, as you probably already knew.) Keep up the good work  Rhetor |
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Post by hnau on Mar 1, 2014 23:30:04 GMT
[184] Dis, weil 'n Sturm raufzieht - not sure about "dis", but this is not my dialect Hallo, Zimmy, Gamma - "So sieht man sich wieder"? [191] ("Tu was du willst" - Ende quotes the law of Thelema) [195] Regne du Basta - either "Basta..." or "Bastard", and maybe a comma after "Regne" [199] It has to be: "Und dann überfahr(e) ich ihn" I agree. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2014 19:24:46 GMT
Buonasera! Thank you! I thought that sounded like a natural mistake for kids to make, which would have nicely preserved the original's prosody; but now that I look at it again, it does seem quite off kilter! The sentence will be corrected in short order. Good work is my trademark, rest assured as much well except when it's not, such as in the case you pointed out, but... details! ---- Dis, weil 'n Sturm raufzieht - not sure about "dis", but this is not my dialect Here's a definitely quotable source: der Wickeda MC, Sam Semilia persönlich (not too fond of this particular album, though) That line is reserved for people like Dr. Disaster, I'm afraid. Or for the secret page in Chapter 32, in which Annie wears a fake mustache and twirls it ominously during her Mexican standoff with Mort »El Hechizado« Juárez Blanco. I'm looking forward to that one On a serious note, this is quite palatable as a translation, but I'd like something that sounds even more bare-bones and non-committal. You know, like »Hello again«! First I discover that Peter Lustig was a follower of Osho, now Ende cites good old Aleister Crowley. The more you know! I think I will add this to the translation note. The text is cut off just like this by the sound effect, as in »Regne du Basta«*KRACKUMM!*; the comma is absent from the English original, so I followed the example. I have also come to agree, see above. Thank you as well for your continued interest and input! |
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Post by hnau on Mar 4, 2014 20:38:25 GMT
The text is cut off just like this by the sound effect, as in »Regne du Basta«*KRACKUMM!*; I know. It's just that the text version does not have the information that "Basta" is cut off, so it might be confused with " basta". |
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Post by hnau on Mar 4, 2014 21:10:52 GMT
[202]
Er hat schon ne ganze Menge auf dem Kasten. - or "er hat schon eine ganze Menge gelernt"? "Auf dem Kasten" also implies being smart (which is perfectly OK here).
die Geräusche dafür macht - "die Töne dafür erzeugt". "Geräusche" sounds inorganic, something that is not recognizable as speech.
[205]
Weg hier! - or "Geh weg!", "Verschwinde!"
(to be continued)
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2014 2:17:16 GMT
The text is cut off just like this by the sound effect, as in »Regne du Basta«*KRACKUMM!*; I know. It's just that the text version does not have the information that "Basta" is cut off, so it might be confused with " basta". If we both know the case, in all honesty I doubt that there's too many people left who could get confused. Eh, I changed it to read »Basta[rd]«, anyway. Er hat schon ne ganze Menge auf dem Kasten. - or "er hat schon eine ganze Menge gelernt"? "Auf dem Kasten" also implies being smart (which is perfectly OK here). That works, too. I like how »auf dem Kasten« reinforces that Shadow remembers the stuff very well already, while also sounding rather lax and jolly. Right, that one's a bit fishy. How about »wie man die [verschiedenen] Laute erzeugt«? I'd associate »Ton« with a specific pitch or colour of the voice. I think I've used »Geh weg!« in Chapter 11 already, so that one is out; but »Verschwinde!« is better than what I've come up with. It's more direct, which befits a robot whose job involves slamming the door in your face. It'll be fixed with the next revision. |
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Post by hnau on Mar 5, 2014 22:16:42 GMT
Right, that one's a bit fishy. How about »wie man die [verschiedenen] Laute erzeugt«? I'd associate »Ton« with a specific pitch or colour of the voice. Yes, "Laute" is better. |
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Post by hnau on Mar 23, 2014 15:53:55 GMT
I'm back. There was a slight flu epidemic in the family, among other things...
[209]
Dies sind meine Antennen, denn eindeutig bin ich ein Roboter. - "denn ich bin (ganz) eindeutig ein Roboter"
Hinein mit euch, Freunde! - "Herein..."
[216]
Outgoing Tray: AUSGABE - doesn't match "current". What about "AKTUELL"? I suppose the research task is cycling through the CPUs, and by selcting S13, Annie made him the current object of research. Or is it just "currently selected/on display"?
[226]
sollten wir etwas wegen deines Körpers tun. - or "unternehmen"
[232]
Willst du, dass wir dir zeigen, wo wir die erste Stunde haben? - ok, but longish. "Sollen wir dir zeigen, wo ..." Alternative: "... wo die erste Stunde stattfindet?"
[236]
I'd say: "Erzähl mir nicht, dass du _bei_ Sport auch nicht mitmachen musst." and "Oh, fang gar nicht _erst_ damit an, Willie!"
[238]
Wir wollen doch nicht, dass du dich zwei Tage, bevor deine Eltern hier ankommen, noch verletzt. - "Wir wollen doch nicht, dass du dich verletzt - (gerade mal) zwei Tage, bevor deine Eltern hier ankommen."
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Post by hnau on Mar 23, 2014 16:21:00 GMT
[247]
Nein... die werd ich dort, wo ich hingeh, nicht haben. - or "Da wo ich hingeh, werde ich beides nicht haben."
[259]
everything below 4 means that you screwed up - above 4
Und zweitens kam ein Gott aus dem Gillitie-Wald hervor. - better: "trat ein Gott aus dem Gillitie-Wald heraus"
EDIT: another possible translation would be "auftauchen".
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Post by hnau on Mar 23, 2014 19:26:36 GMT
[260]
den Sommer mit uns zu kommen - or "mit uns zu verbringen"
[266]
Es gilt sich jetzt auf Wichtigeres zu fokussieren. - "Wir müssen uns jetzt auf Wichtigeres konzentrieren."
[268]
Alles das hier ist deine Schuld! - slightly better: "Das hier ist alles deine Schuld!"
[272]
Geh zu ihm hin, du Idiotin! - you might use "Idiot" if Parley is not a feminist
[280]
Ich erzittere in der Präsenz deiner furchteinflößenden Fähigkeiten als Gärtner, Ysengrin. - or "deiner furchteinflößenden gärtnerischen Fähigkeiten" (more ambiguous: he might be really good at using plants as weapons, or he might be really bad at gardening)
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2014 7:34:49 GMT
I'm back. There was a slight flu epidemic in the family, among other things... Sorry to hear the latter, glad to hear the former! I haven't got much work done on this thing in the meantime, anyway. »...denn ganz eindeutig bin ich ein Roboter« flows nicely, I think. I'll flip a coin to settle this matter. This will sound incredulous, but I recall that the sign said OUTGOING, and not CURRENT, when I last checked the page three weeks ago. This is either a Jedi mind trick I'm inflicting on myself, or the invisible hand of the handless artist at work. Translating »CURRENT« as »AKTUELL« seems fine to me, though »AUSWAHL« should be considered as well. Sure, I'll take it. The »sollen wir...« stuff is fine with me; »stattfindet« may sound a bit too formal for the occasion. Both of these are wholly sensible changes, unlike the transfer politics of most German football clubs. The line needs to be trimmed anyway. How about »Du willst dich doch nicht noch verletzen, zwei Tage, bevor deine Eltern hier ankommen.« This is still neither as short nor as elegant as I'd like it to look, compared to the original. Nein... die werd ich dort, wo ich hingeh, nicht haben. - or "Da wo ich hingeh, werde ich beides nicht haben." I'll stick with what I've got on this occasion. »... die werd e ich dort...« should improve the rhythm of that sentence, though. I always think of 1 being at the top and 6 being at the foot of the vertical scale, which undoubtedly goes to show something something about psycholinguistics. There are a lot of translations for »emerge«, none of which manages to satisfy me completely. »trat... hervor« might fit best, to capture that nuance of making one's presence known. den Sommer mit uns zu kommen - or "mit uns zu verbringen" I'd thought about that variant, and ditched it because the original choice of words wasn't »to spend the summer with us«. I'll still change it if my choice sounds awkward, however. »Fürs Erste gilt es sich jetzt auf Wichtigeres zu konzentrieren«? In the interest of applied dialectics, I suggest »Das alles hier ist deine Schuld!« (To supplement an actual point of debate: Parley doesn't say »This is all your fault«, wherein »all« points to »fault«, but »All this is your fault«, wherein »all« points to »this«.) Huh? I thought the feminine suffix was justified here, because »Poet« gets the same treatment in German, seeing as that word also stems from a Latin masculine noun of the A-declination Sounds good! Reading the phrase »in der Präsenz« fills me with disbelief and shame, because it's a straight anglicism and unserviceable in German, and I picked that and looked at it twice, apparently without taking issue. I swapped it for »angesichts«. Thank you once again! |
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Post by hnau on Mar 30, 2014 10:46:37 GMT
Huh? I thought the feminine suffix was justified here, because »Poet« gets the same treatment in German, seeing as that word also stems from a Latin masculine noun of the A-conjugation. I'm not sure what is going on here gramatically. On the one hand, I say "Mein Arzt hat gesagt..." - even though the doctor is female - if I want to emphasize the medical advice. My boss doesn't need any information about her sex. Here, I think "Arzt" is used as a profession or category. If I want to talk about *her* specifically, I use "meine Ärztin". Compare "Ein (x-beliebiger) Poet hat einmal gesagt ..." vs. "Die berühmte Poetin Luitgard Birnbaumer-Nüsselschweif sagte einst...". On the other hand, usage of the feminine suffix is polite and/or political correct, and there is not much politeness or correctness in an insult. |
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Post by hnau on Mar 30, 2014 21:11:43 GMT
I'll flip a coin to settle this matter. The doorbot is on the inside of the door, not on the outside. So it should be "herein". "... wo die erste Sunde ist?" Good. :-) What about "den Sommer über mit uns zu kommen"? That's too long, especially using "fürs Erste" and "jetzt". An old creature might use "es gilt". "Fürs Erste müssen wir uns auf Wichtigeres konzentrieren."? "Wir müssen uns jetzt erst einmal auf Wichtigeres konzentrieren/um Wichtigeres kümmern."? "Präsenz" isn't that bad, but "angesichts" is better. You're welcome! |
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Post by Daedalus on May 6, 2014 2:49:26 GMT
I will soon return to do the long-awaited Spanish translation.
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Post by KartoffelnMcNugget on May 23, 2014 20:22:28 GMT
I will soon return to do the long-awaited Spanish translation. If you need any help with the translation I can always help you, but sadly I can't start doing the translation by myself mostly because I have no time (classes, assigments, practices and exams, exams and more exams, SCREW YOU BOLONIA) |
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Post by Daedalus on May 23, 2014 21:31:59 GMT
I will soon return to do the long-awaited Spanish translation. If you need any help with the translation I can always help you, but sadly I can't start doing the translation by myself mostly because I have no time (classes, assigments, practices and exams, exams and more exams, SCREW YOU BOLONIA) I just (literally 5 min ago) finished all my exams so I should have a bit more time  |
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Post by Daedalus on Jun 4, 2014 3:46:42 GMT
I will soon return to do the long-awaited Spanish translation. I'm BAAAAAACK! Project to begin in a few days...( KartoffelnMcNugget, jda, and anyone else - still willing to help? Several people will be joining the forum that I know as well.) |
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Post by KartoffelnMcNugget on Jun 4, 2014 7:30:42 GMT
I will soon return to do the long-awaited Spanish translation. I'm BAAAAAACK! Project to begin in a few days...( KartoffelnMcNugget, jda, and anyone else - still willing to help? Several people will be joining the forum that I know as well.) You have my sword!...more or less, I'm in the middle of the Final exams (you see my avatar? that's me right now), I'll be completly free in july |
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Post by CoyoteReborn on Jun 4, 2014 14:58:08 GMT
I will soon return to do the long-awaited Spanish translation. I'm BAAAAAACK! Project to begin in a few days...( KartoffelnMcNugget, jda, and anyone else - still willing to help? Several people will be joining the forum that I know as well.) I will help, even if you don't want me too! I want to make sure my beautiful and wise words are translated with the clarity they deserve. Hey, I'm from the American Southwest; you pick up Spanish easily there. If you wanted it in French, go ask Renard. |
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Post by Daedalus on Jun 4, 2014 15:01:08 GMT
I will help, even if you don't want me too! I think you mean, 'even if you don/'t want me TO' - we'd love to have your sword for our cause (or tooth, I guess?), if you can do grammar |
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